Posted by: The Chhamanator | May 17, 2008

Am I a pansy?

pansy (PERSON) /”p{n.zi/ noun [C] OFFENSIVE OLD-FASHIONED
a man who behaves in a way that is considered to be more typical of a woman (Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary)


Because of its origins in a feminine nickname, sissy is also a pejorative for a boy or man to indicate or imply that he is like a sister, that is, effeminate and fails to behave according to the traditional male gender role. Generally, it implies a lack of the courage and stoicism which are thought important to the male role. It might also imply interests seen as strikingly un-masculine. This pejorative may be given to anyone as an insult. Several variations, such as “sissy boy” or “sissy baby”, exist and any term can become pejorative or insulting if preceded by “sissy” and applied to a boy or a man. Sissy is the male converse of tomboy, but has none of the latter’s positive connotations. Even amongst gay men, behavior thought of as sissy or camp produces mixed reactions. Some men reclaim the term for themselves. (See also genderqueer). Other similar terms include “wimp”, “wuss” and “femboy”. (Wikipedia)


NOTE: This is not a “Am I gay?” post. I’m confident about my sexuality and I know that I am not gay because:

  • I don’t listen to Paris Hilton, Barry Manilow, Michael Bolton or Michael Buble.
  • I don’t dress like a Korean movie star
  • I don’t know the difference between maroon and dark red, or between aqua and light blue. My knowledge of colors is limited to the seven basic colors of the spectrum. I still don’t know whether mauve is a color or a fabric.
  • My fashion philosophy is “Comfort before style”
  • I haven’t watched “A walk to remember”, “High School Musical” or “Honey”
  • Women are uneasy around me.

This is more of an unsettling feeling about whether I’m a pansy- you know them. They are the people who say, “Oh my God” unexpectedly, who swayed their arms when they’re walking. And to top it all off, they don’t really know that they’re pansies. The ones they call “Tuai” in Mizo.

There are different kinds of pansies – from the very obvious ones to the not so obvious. I know I’m not the “Give me a skirt and call me Nancy” type of pansy, these people are a rare breed and everyone including themselves know what they are. And I’m not talking about your garden variety pansies – the ones everyone except themselves call pansies either. What I’m talking about here is the very subtly hidden pansies, the ones that don’t usually bloom for all to see but are nevertheless there and are still pansy to the bone.

I’m presenting below the facts which could determine whether I’m a pansy or just a guy

Why I don’t think I’m a pansy:

Nobody has called me so

This is more important during your childhood days because kids will call each other obvious nicknames. Physical deformities, mental retardation – kids will call it as they see it. Yes, adults do these things too but they do it in private. After all, even though nobody calls you “Lulian” (big head) anymore now that you’re an adult, do you really think your head has grown any smaller?

I have a girlfriend

Although not an closing evidence, this is an important argument nonetheless. I have a girlfriend and I’m pretty happy about it. Now would a pansy ever get a girlfriend of his own?

I can drive

This, I feel is an important pansy litmus test. The sissy men I see usually have a hard time learning to drive and some give up completely. And even if they eventually learned how to drive, they seem to be prone to accidents (I have no scientific proof to this one, believe what you want). As for me, I could drive a car within 2 months of training and I am fortunate enough not to have any serious accident after nearly a decade of driving.

I play sports

No self respecting girlie-man play sport. I do play a lot of sports and I play manly sports like football and basketball and not some girlie sports like badminton or handball. I believe this makes me a pretty manly man (“pretty” manly man?) . But then I saw this on the net and it makes me even more confused:

Punch before slap

I get angry a lot. And when I do get angry, I tend to get physical, at least in my head. And when I’m thinking voilence, my first reaction is to punch rather than slap. Yes, there are some people I would like to bitchslap till the cows come home, but its usually punch before slap. Wouldn’t a self-respecting pansy slap his tormentors rather than punch?

My hair has always been black

Yes, I had the occasional henna back in the day. But I have never once had the color of my hair altered. Look at your local sissy and you will notice a silky soft, conditioned hair with a faint tint of azure brown. Natural? I don’t think so…

I have no sense of style

It is a universally accepted fact that the hierarchy of fashion consciousness starts with gays at the top, next comes the pansies followed very closely by women. “Normal” men are at the bottom, barely above monkeys and dolphins. This is where I am. I buy shoes that doesn’t fit, shirts that shrink to the size of a doll’s costume after the first watch. And I never remember to separate the coloreds from the whites. Isn’t this the ultimate litmus test for manliness?

I don’t do aerobics

Richard Simmons. Enough said.

Why I might be a pansy

I once had a friend….

I once had a classmate who is quite the girly type. We once had a conversation alongwith a bunch of my friends from our hostel and the subject of sissies came up. And this guy, of all people started to say that he once was entrusted with the duty of taking care of a sissy young boy so that he could become more of a man. Well, no such luck and the friend went on to say that it is impossible to re-train such pansies. This is a clear sign that pansies don’t really know that they are pansies.

My girlfriend likes feminine men

Its true, my girlfriend has lots of sissy friends. From Aizawl to Chennai to Delhi, these people seem to find her. She’s like a giant sissy magnet. This gets me thinking. Does she like me only because I’m a pansy like many of her friends?

I once had a Barbie doll

Yes, it’s true. I once had in my possession the highest selling girls toy in the history of the world. I’m not proud of it, but its true. Does this make me a little girl dying to come out of a confused guy’s body? But in my defense, the doll was headless and given to me by a relative.

I’ve used a body shampoo… It felt good

This happened a few months ago. I was spending the night at a cousin’s house and I was about to take a shower in the morning. Now, a majority of the occupants are female. So you can imagine what kind of products will be found in this estrogen ocean. Shampoos, conditioners, face wash, at least 3 different kind of loofahs, soap for the face, one for the body, one for the feet, nail polish removers, the list goes on. One thing in the corner caught my attention. It’s a body shampoo manufactured by a very famous female beauty product specialist. I was intrigued. We men talk about a lot of stuff related to women. But I have never once been in a conversation where the topic of women’s body shampoo came up. Maybe in all our history, no man has ever had the chance to use a body shampoo, not Einstien, Da Vinci, Wilt Chamberlain and definitely not Atilla The Hun. Or maybe the few who dared tried such stunts are killed and tortured and never lived to tell the tale. I could be in the threshold of history here. So, with the limited amount of math knowledge I have combined with the information I get from reading the biographies of Don King, Hansie Cronje and Ajay Jadeja, I began calculating my odds of ever having a chance to use the product again. In the end, the sums dictate that I should take my chances with the shampoo. When I finally stepped out of the shower, I felt so soft and silky smooth that I have to resist the urge to flirt with myself. Does this confirm my fear or does the huge risk that I take confirm my status as a real man, a man who would do girlie things if it is for the benefit of the whole macho community? If it does, this small step I took will forever be remembered as a giant leap for confused mankind everywhere.

I watch Oprah

Yes, It’s true. I love the show, Oprah’s book club and especially when she distributes all those gifts to her audience. I hear myself thinking “You go, girl!” whenever an ordinary girl gets a makeover and find myself choking up when a crying widow shares her experience of losing a husband or a child. Am I doing all this for the woman inside me waiting to feel empowered or does this make me the kind, caring, sensitive guy every girl dreams of? If only Dr. Phil were here…

I know this post raises more questions than answers. And I’d be happy to receive feedback from friends, old classmates, families, anyone. PLEASE!!!


Responses

  1. Well..there are a few points I could argue, or rather, ‘discuss’ with you. But lemme just put it this way..have you ever thought that it might run in the genes?

  2. Well, about the barbie doll, did you like it ? hehe..
    I guess you have to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist to be sure ? All I can say is, “Be a MAN”.

  3. I don’t really remember. I probably liked it, but in a very manly way. You’re right. And I’m ‘doing the right thing”

  4. Why I don’t think I’m a pansy:

    Nobody has called me so

    These days, people are very diplomatic, y’see :-)
    I ziak thiam lutuk…’pretty’ hilarious!

  5. Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation :) Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Suffragist!!

  6. Dude, the fact that you’re even questioning this makes you a pansy. Real men don’t nitpick so much and make pro-con lists about their masculinity. (and you even did it on the internet??!! wow.) The fact that you have the tiniest doubt and you’ve thought it through so much is a very pansy thing to do.

    However, don’t despair. We men can tell the difference between gay and pansy, so don’t worry about being considered a gay guy. (I’m not homophobic, just telling it like it is)

    BTW, there are so many closet gays in the NBA, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Not the best sport to consider manly. And don’t knock handball… unless you’ve been hit in the face by a handball going 50mph from 2ft away, just take my word for it… it’s a manly game.

    And just in case it wasn’t clear to you… your girlfriend thinks you’re a pansy and she likes it. Just go with it. At least you’re getting some, right? Deal with it and move on with your life, for the love of God.

    • @pansy radar
      the fact that you go online looking for sites that discusses general pansiness without a doubt makes you a pansy. And the fact that you are scared of a little soft ball hitting you at 50mph does not exactly say manly, does it?
      And for the record, my girlfriend loves me because I’m a breath of fresh air from all the pansies surrounding her. Anyways, thanks for the comments and do visit often, pansy.

  7. Oooo a bitch slap. ouch. Actually my sister was surfing for God knows what and came across this… I had friends over and they all saw your blog and dared me to write what we were all laughing about.
    And in case you missed it, we were actually ON YOUR SIDE. We thought it was cool that you’re like this and can still get a girlfriend. Much respect for that. But hey, some people just can’t take a compliment.

  8. Sure she did. And isn’t she also the one who forced you to wear your mommy’s high heels and put on her lipstick?

    You were on my side? Oh hell, I HAVE BECOME A PANSY MAGNET!!!

    I do appreciate the compliment, thank you so much, pansy.

  9. wtf is this

  10. Studying your case, I find you like the capt’n of the air ballon ship in the movie ”star dust”. You’ve got a dual personality, you are not manly, you are wannabie manly person, i can explain that. I met many pansies at my school not everyone was called a pansy but there were many who were called pansy at their back, so your point of pansy nickname fails. Wow you drive congratulations!!! Jk, my Mom drives too and i’ve met many womens who drive well inspite the fact that they are femenine so again if you drive your not a man. Woow again you play sports? I’ve met many women national level sports players who are not manly and many of them are karate champions, so playing sports doesnt make you manly because even girls play such games and they play better than you. You have a girlfriend and the reason that she is with you is given by you that she likes sissy guys. How many times have you beaten a guy? How many times have you really punched kicked a person? Everyone gets angry even pansy gay guys must be getting angry so are they manly? The biggest proof of you being a pansy is you like barbie dolls, if i had one i would have done wicked experiments like burning her etc etc. Mens have courage, how many times have you really showed courage? How many intelligent and mature girls have asked you out? How many times have you been to road trips, adventure sports(mountain climbing, punji jumpong, sky diving) and how many times someone in your group has said out of proud ”you are the mann”? Ask yourself real manly questions not wannabie chutiya questions like opera

    • ???


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