Posted by: luliana | May 9, 2008

I’d fail miserably as a…

Idol / Icon contestant

Being forced to join the church choir for 4 years hasn’t made me a better singer. In fact, I’m a personal burden for the conductor. How he wish I’d quit!! Maybe he spent many a sleepless nights praying for the Almighty to intervene, or worse, for some sort of a rare illness to permanently disable my voice box. Music is just not one of my birthrights. My descendants must have been from the farthest branch of King David’s family tree. It’s a trait I have inherited from them without any chromosomal deletions and translocations. I used to own a guitar a few years back. Occasionally, I’d dry it out under the sun. Since then, I had to part with it ‘cos it got sun-burnt!

Web Master

I think I’m technologically retarded. Its been ten years since I first owned a PC, but I just can’t master solitaire! I still don’t’ know how to reboot my laptop, or put the computer in safe mode. I have no idea what a RAM looks like, or what the ‘Ins’ key on my keyboard does. I don’t know what a ‘tag’ in HTML is. I know a ‘motherboard’ is something without which a computer is crippled. The only thing I know about RSS is that it stands for ‘Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh’. I know that a flat screen is more expensive than a not-so-flat screen. The Chhamanator recently taught me how to record a disc image. Strange indeed, ‘cos I taught him how to play DOOM many many years back.


I have learnt to live with the fact that my body isn’t moulded to attract the opposite sex. Its like God was trying to show off his artistic skills and something went horribly wrong in the middle. Or maybe he just got bored. Or worse, it was a practical joke! Who would want to get laid with a big headed-pot bellied-pimpled face-spectacled-obese guy and pay for it? Anyway you twist it, it’s a cent percent loss-loss situation. If I was forced to take up this profession with no other options, I’d starve to death within three days.


Consider this. If I was a farmer, my daily routine would look something like this –

10:00 AM – Wake Up

10:30 AM – Get up from bed

11:00 AM – Breakfast

11:30 AM – Go to the fields

12:30 PM – Lunch

01:30 PM – Go to the fields

02:30 PM – Nap

04:00 PM – Tea

04:30 PM – Go to the fields, or maybe not.

Just be glad that you’re not depending on the paddy from my fields. Consider it a blessing that I’m not directly involved in promoting our country’s economy.


I just know it. Heavens told me. It was straight, blunt, direct and frank. The only criteria I could fulfill was being born as a human!!



  1. At least you are a good economist…

  2. Look who’s talking!!

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